So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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