I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think your dad took our porno
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
