I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
