when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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