For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize