I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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