Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
