i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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