I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
