he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
