if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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