Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
