Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
