Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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