I'm gonna have a badass scar
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
