What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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