i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
we're so committed to being not committed
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