i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I won the penis lottery.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
