discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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