I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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