did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
