No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that's an acceptable place to lick
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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