fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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