Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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