you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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