stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
