i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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