I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
