yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
