i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
