i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
