my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
