When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
