If that was your dad, he is hot
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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