Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
