One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
