would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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