my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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