Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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