Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
