NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
