I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
