You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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