ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
