Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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