Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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