I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
