some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
