It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
