So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
he thought i was a dude.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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