Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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