TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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