my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize