I'm drive I can fine osifer
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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