He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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