he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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