Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
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It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
is it fun? or sober?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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