Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
