So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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