When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's great music for shaving your balls
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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