I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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