and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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