You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
