Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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