What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
