I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
