literally had 100 drinks last night.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
