we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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