I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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